[There's that shift again. That change in tone. More serious. More direct. Same with the attention. Instead of lounging lazily, he's sat up, concentrating on Kaneda.]
[Completely honest.]
I'm the last guy who's going to ask you to listen to that kind of shit. That isn't what I'm saying to do.
I want you to think really hard about throwing it back in their face -- openly. Obviously. You do that, and you're going to put a big "kick me" sign on yourself.
And on anyone you want to protect.
Use what they're handing you. Keep your head down, use their shit until you're stable. Until you're something they can't -- or won't -- touch.
[A part of him--a GOOD part of him knows Bull's right. It's what he originally signed up for. It's why he's still registered now.
It was all to protect Tetsuo. To protect himself.
Where did that line fade? He should cut ties...more than anything, he WANTED to.
But Bull raised a good question: What was most important?
The answer?...it's obvious. And it lived in the room right next to his own.]
And my pride?
[The anger's defused, fizzling out into sheer exhaustion. Kaneda suddenly looks a lot older than he actually is, the weight of everything almost visible on him now. It's not a sassy question, it's got no venom in it.
It's searching. Pride was all he had left, Bull. It's the last round of poker and he's going all in. ]
... Pretty sure your pride gets its kicks in when you knock down guys twice your size in the ring. Doesn't sound very... 'love your neighbor', does it?
[Yeah, he can see that. He can see the fatigue and the strain. The lines where there shouldn't be any.]
[This is an important question. He knows it. And as blithely as he answered it, there's more to the words than meets the eye.]
[He could leave it there, let Kaneda figure it out. But that'd just be a dick move, and he can tell -- that's not going to be helpful right now. So he smirks, crookedly. Pointed teeth and lines creasing the covered eye socket.]
No one ever said you had to be perfect, kid. Kick 'em where you can -- keep up your fighting, find your own line of work. Take just enough that they let you use the porters, yeah?
Just make sure someone likes you enough to give you a good cover story if you get caught.
[Kaneda's quiet for awhile, arm slowly reaching up to expose the inside of his wrist, eyes boring into the mark that showed his registered status. A blessing and a curse, it'd turned out to be.
Bull's right. He's in a strange world that's just looking for an excuse to get rid of him. Them.
And he's got something to protect. He'd forgotten that.]
[Because, for better or worse, this is what he has now. Something the Qun can't pop up and take from him. Even if they did... what does it matter? They already told him he wasn't theirs anymore.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[There's that shift again. That change in tone. More serious. More direct. Same with the attention. Instead of lounging lazily, he's sat up, concentrating on Kaneda.]
[Completely honest.]
I'm the last guy who's going to ask you to listen to that kind of shit. That isn't what I'm saying to do.
I want you to think really hard about throwing it back in their face -- openly. Obviously. You do that, and you're going to put a big "kick me" sign on yourself.
And on anyone you want to protect.
Use what they're handing you. Keep your head down, use their shit until you're stable. Until you're something they can't -- or won't -- touch.
[It's what I did.]
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It was all to protect Tetsuo. To protect himself.
Where did that line fade? He should cut ties...more than anything, he WANTED to.
But Bull raised a good question: What was most important?
The answer?...it's obvious. And it lived in the room right next to his own.]
And my pride?
[The anger's defused, fizzling out into sheer exhaustion. Kaneda suddenly looks a lot older than he actually is, the weight of everything almost visible on him now. It's not a sassy question, it's got no venom in it.
It's searching. Pride was all he had left, Bull. It's the last round of poker and he's going all in. ]
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[Yeah, he can see that. He can see the fatigue and the strain. The lines where there shouldn't be any.]
[This is an important question. He knows it. And as blithely as he answered it, there's more to the words than meets the eye.]
[He could leave it there, let Kaneda figure it out. But that'd just be a dick move, and he can tell -- that's not going to be helpful right now. So he smirks, crookedly. Pointed teeth and lines creasing the covered eye socket.]
No one ever said you had to be perfect, kid. Kick 'em where you can -- keep up your fighting, find your own line of work. Take just enough that they let you use the porters, yeah?
Just make sure someone likes you enough to give you a good cover story if you get caught.
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Bull's right. He's in a strange world that's just looking for an excuse to get rid of him. Them.
And he's got something to protect. He'd forgotten that.]
Someone, huh?
[That's Kaneda looking at you expectantly, now.]
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[Because, for better or worse, this is what he has now. Something the Qun can't pop up and take from him. Even if they did... what does it matter? They already told him he wasn't theirs anymore.]
[Because he'd chosen lives outside the Qun.]
[So. He'll stand for what he has now. Willingly.]