[He slings his hands behind his head, frowning for a second.]
There's a part of the Ariqun, the... priesthood kind of, called the Ben-Hassrath. Supposedly, we're there to "protect the faith, the innocent, and the Qun".
Crap like that. Supposed to be... upholding that kind of propaganda.
Soon as I was old enough, they shipped me out to Seheron. It's... it was a shit-hole. Probably still is. Almost quit -- almost just... up and walked away. Because all the good of the Qun crap in the world couldn't make the shit I saw out there better. Or make it make more sense...
[He trails off, losing focus for a minute. Then shakes his head, the next words more clipped.]
... Didn't, though. Stuck around. Figured I'd be able to do something good so long as they thought I was playing by the rules.
[A shrug.]
Sort of like now.
[Staying under the radar, staying predictable. Taking the benefits without taking sides.]
[He shoves that chair up immediately, getting to his feet and practically whipping it away. It's almost too easily done--he's obviously much stronger than when they had that training back in August. And if he were a fraction more careless, that chair would've flown across the room.]
The way they talk about respecting their neighbors and freedom and 'paying it forward'?!
[Stay calm. Keep a calm tone of voice. Don't shout. Or react badly. Just observe -- poker face.]
No need to follow all the rules. Like me, for instance. That's what I'm saying. You paint a bigger target on your back by throwing their shit back in their face.
[He pauses, still maintaining that calm voice.]
No, kid. I don't know. Not from around here, remember?
That's what I'm doing. That's what I've been doing.
[It takes everything in him not to call Bull something he'll regret. So instead, he'll direct his anger at the government. That's really what this was about, wasn't it.]
America dropped BOMBS on Japan back in...whatever. AWHILE AGO! Not on an army. On people. In houses JUST LIKE THIS.
[The date...one he and Tetsuo knew too well. And while it wasn't America that time--it may as well have been. America now kept close eyes on Japan, ready to bomb if they didn't get their act together.
America shutting the lid of the Pandora's Box they opened. Acting as if nothing happened, pretending to look away as Japan swirled into a black hole of crime and punishment.]
Like hell I'm gonna listen to that shit they spew.
[There's that shift again. That change in tone. More serious. More direct. Same with the attention. Instead of lounging lazily, he's sat up, concentrating on Kaneda.]
[Completely honest.]
I'm the last guy who's going to ask you to listen to that kind of shit. That isn't what I'm saying to do.
I want you to think really hard about throwing it back in their face -- openly. Obviously. You do that, and you're going to put a big "kick me" sign on yourself.
And on anyone you want to protect.
Use what they're handing you. Keep your head down, use their shit until you're stable. Until you're something they can't -- or won't -- touch.
[A part of him--a GOOD part of him knows Bull's right. It's what he originally signed up for. It's why he's still registered now.
It was all to protect Tetsuo. To protect himself.
Where did that line fade? He should cut ties...more than anything, he WANTED to.
But Bull raised a good question: What was most important?
The answer?...it's obvious. And it lived in the room right next to his own.]
And my pride?
[The anger's defused, fizzling out into sheer exhaustion. Kaneda suddenly looks a lot older than he actually is, the weight of everything almost visible on him now. It's not a sassy question, it's got no venom in it.
It's searching. Pride was all he had left, Bull. It's the last round of poker and he's going all in. ]
... Pretty sure your pride gets its kicks in when you knock down guys twice your size in the ring. Doesn't sound very... 'love your neighbor', does it?
[Yeah, he can see that. He can see the fatigue and the strain. The lines where there shouldn't be any.]
[This is an important question. He knows it. And as blithely as he answered it, there's more to the words than meets the eye.]
[He could leave it there, let Kaneda figure it out. But that'd just be a dick move, and he can tell -- that's not going to be helpful right now. So he smirks, crookedly. Pointed teeth and lines creasing the covered eye socket.]
No one ever said you had to be perfect, kid. Kick 'em where you can -- keep up your fighting, find your own line of work. Take just enough that they let you use the porters, yeah?
Just make sure someone likes you enough to give you a good cover story if you get caught.
[Kaneda's quiet for awhile, arm slowly reaching up to expose the inside of his wrist, eyes boring into the mark that showed his registered status. A blessing and a curse, it'd turned out to be.
Bull's right. He's in a strange world that's just looking for an excuse to get rid of him. Them.
And he's got something to protect. He'd forgotten that.]
[Because, for better or worse, this is what he has now. Something the Qun can't pop up and take from him. Even if they did... what does it matter? They already told him he wasn't theirs anymore.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
action
Look. I'm not going to say you're wrong. A lot of this crap is shady. I don't like it either. But...
Did I ever tell you what I did before I got here?
[There's a point to this, Kaneda. Really.]
action
Nope.
[But he takes the chair sitting in the room and sits backwards on it, hands dangling over the back of it.]
But I've got a feeling you're going to tell me.
action
[He slings his hands behind his head, frowning for a second.]
There's a part of the Ariqun, the... priesthood kind of, called the Ben-Hassrath. Supposedly, we're there to "protect the faith, the innocent, and the Qun".
Crap like that. Supposed to be... upholding that kind of propaganda.
The 'utopia' under the Qun.
action
You were a part of that shit.
action
Soon as I was old enough, they shipped me out to Seheron. It's... it was a shit-hole. Probably still is. Almost quit -- almost just... up and walked away. Because all the good of the Qun crap in the world couldn't make the shit I saw out there better. Or make it make more sense...
[He trails off, losing focus for a minute. Then shakes his head, the next words more clipped.]
... Didn't, though. Stuck around. Figured I'd be able to do something good so long as they thought I was playing by the rules.
[A shrug.]
Sort of like now.
[Staying under the radar, staying predictable. Taking the benefits without taking sides.]
action
[He shoves that chair up immediately, getting to his feet and practically whipping it away. It's almost too easily done--he's obviously much stronger than when they had that training back in August. And if he were a fraction more careless, that chair would've flown across the room.]
The way they talk about respecting their neighbors and freedom and 'paying it forward'?!
After what THEY DID?!
[He stops cold, hands clenching tight.]
You don't even know what they did....
action
[Stay calm. Keep a calm tone of voice. Don't shout. Or react badly. Just observe -- poker face.]
No need to follow all the rules. Like me, for instance. That's what I'm saying. You paint a bigger target on your back by throwing their shit back in their face.
[He pauses, still maintaining that calm voice.]
No, kid. I don't know. Not from around here, remember?
action
[It takes everything in him not to call Bull something he'll regret. So instead, he'll direct his anger at the government. That's really what this was about, wasn't it.]
America dropped BOMBS on Japan back in...whatever. AWHILE AGO! Not on an army. On people. In houses JUST LIKE THIS.
action
[Honestly, the kid's so worked up, he'd probably chalk it up to the anger talking. But hey, they're making progress, right?]
Kid... Hold on a minute. Pretend I'm an idiot for a second and define bomb.
Because anything explosive I know of sure as hell isn't enough to take out a house, unless you pack it full of gaatlok.
action
Don't worry Bull, he'll be back. He's just fumbling around his room for somethi--and there he is. Storming back with something in his hand.
One of his handmade bombs, although it's only capped and not even ready to be blown up. A dud until he works the actual ignition in.]
Take this.
But make it the size of me. It took out the whole damn city.
action
... How does something that small take out a city?
[He's not calling you a liar, Kaneda. He doesn't sound disbelieving, just... mystified. Atomic Bombs aren't really A Thing.]
Re: action
Hell if I know how it works but...it's small, and it kills everything.
America made it just to drop on Japan.
action
[He's just going to equate "atomic" with "magic" right now, until he finds out otherwise.]
No wonder you're so pissed off.
action
[The date...one he and Tetsuo knew too well. And while it wasn't America that time--it may as well have been. America now kept close eyes on Japan, ready to bomb if they didn't get their act together.
America shutting the lid of the Pandora's Box they opened. Acting as if nothing happened, pretending to look away as Japan swirled into a black hole of crime and punishment.]
Like hell I'm gonna listen to that shit they spew.
action
[There's that shift again. That change in tone. More serious. More direct. Same with the attention. Instead of lounging lazily, he's sat up, concentrating on Kaneda.]
[Completely honest.]
I'm the last guy who's going to ask you to listen to that kind of shit. That isn't what I'm saying to do.
I want you to think really hard about throwing it back in their face -- openly. Obviously. You do that, and you're going to put a big "kick me" sign on yourself.
And on anyone you want to protect.
Use what they're handing you. Keep your head down, use their shit until you're stable. Until you're something they can't -- or won't -- touch.
[It's what I did.]
action
It was all to protect Tetsuo. To protect himself.
Where did that line fade? He should cut ties...more than anything, he WANTED to.
But Bull raised a good question: What was most important?
The answer?...it's obvious. And it lived in the room right next to his own.]
And my pride?
[The anger's defused, fizzling out into sheer exhaustion. Kaneda suddenly looks a lot older than he actually is, the weight of everything almost visible on him now. It's not a sassy question, it's got no venom in it.
It's searching. Pride was all he had left, Bull. It's the last round of poker and he's going all in. ]
action
[Yeah, he can see that. He can see the fatigue and the strain. The lines where there shouldn't be any.]
[This is an important question. He knows it. And as blithely as he answered it, there's more to the words than meets the eye.]
[He could leave it there, let Kaneda figure it out. But that'd just be a dick move, and he can tell -- that's not going to be helpful right now. So he smirks, crookedly. Pointed teeth and lines creasing the covered eye socket.]
No one ever said you had to be perfect, kid. Kick 'em where you can -- keep up your fighting, find your own line of work. Take just enough that they let you use the porters, yeah?
Just make sure someone likes you enough to give you a good cover story if you get caught.
action
Bull's right. He's in a strange world that's just looking for an excuse to get rid of him. Them.
And he's got something to protect. He'd forgotten that.]
Someone, huh?
[That's Kaneda looking at you expectantly, now.]
action
[Because, for better or worse, this is what he has now. Something the Qun can't pop up and take from him. Even if they did... what does it matter? They already told him he wasn't theirs anymore.]
[Because he'd chosen lives outside the Qun.]
[So. He'll stand for what he has now. Willingly.]