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[rideme]

"You've got the Iron Bull here. I'm listening.

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP.

TEXT | VOICEMAIL | CALLS

Comments

[selfpraise]

[The Iron Bull receives in the mail one very neatly packaged box containing something hideous that Dorian decided to pass on after getting it from Hawke.]

I thought it was more your style.

I LAUGHED | also ring ring calling

[rideme]

[Okay, so. He tried it on. A few times. It went over exactly one arm and dangled there like a deranged sleeve.]

[It's. Still on his arm when he calls back.]

... What the hell is this supposed to be?

[selfpraise]

[Dorian takes a while to pick up because he needs to find the source of the ringing and then realise what the noise meant and then he needed to figure out how to accept the call.

...and hello to you too.]

Oh, you got my gift? It's a horn warmer.

[He's completely talking out of his ass, but he's keeping a straight face.]

[rideme]

[Well. He doesn't have reason not to believe that. Not really. He's seen weirder.]

Then what's the back part for?

[God dammit Dorian.]

[selfpraise]

[Saying that he went out and got Bull a gift might backfire on him later, but that is later and he needs to get rid of the abomination now.]

I couldn't find one that was for two horns only, but at least it's got length so it can cover your head as well.

[rideme]

Then how am I supposed to see where I'm going?

[He's actually. Trying it on. Right now. So the rustling sound of cloth is probably audible over the line.]

[selfpraise]

[Dorian would pay good coin if he could see this now. His imagination just isn't enough for this. If only he knew how to get to Nonah.]

Hmmm, it must be more poorly designed then I thought.

[rideme]

Yeah, no shit. There aren't even any eye holes.

[Just ask one of his roommates to film it, man.]

[selfpraise]

[He doesn't know what filming is, but he'd ask Charlie to do so if he did.]

You only need one anyway, make one yourself.

[rideme]

Bah... it's going to run if I do that. Krem was the one with the sewing skills, not me...

[GRUMP GRUMP WHINE.]

[selfpraise]

Fine, I'll do it.

[This is escalating too far.]

Come over and I'll fix it.

[rideme]

[HAH he knew he'd win. Sort of.]

Where are you, anyways?

[selfpraise]

Some place called De Chima. I'm staying with the Champion. Be careful if you see her, she's vindictive.

[He needs to move out or send her away.]

[rideme]

Oh, Varric's friend. What's wrong with her?

[selfpraise]

She smells like a wet dog and threw all my clothing onto the roof.

[rideme]

Didn't smell like wet dog when I saw her...

Why'd she toss your clothes on the roof?

[selfpraise]

I objected to the dogs she was amassing. You know how Fereldan's get.

[rideme]

Well, yeah, but I don't have a problem with dogs.

[selfpraise]

Don't say I didn't warn you.

[The only person who needs to worry is Dorian.]

[rideme]

What did you do to piss off her dog so bad?

[selfpraise]

Dogs. As in the plural, there was at least ten of them.

And all I did was scare them out of my room.

[And out of the house and the neighbourhood. Horror/despair is a useful spell.]

[rideme]

Ten... dogs. What the hell does she need ten dogs for?

Couldn't you just shut the door?

[selfpraise]

I still have to open it to get in or out and they lie in wait for an opening.

[rideme]

Can't you just... magic it or some shit?

[selfpraise]

I did and next thing you know my smalls are on the roof.